The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Research has shown a child who sees his mother mistreated is more damaged than
if the child himself is abused.
Steven Stosny, compassionpower.com
The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must
be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they
are always watching you.
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and
integrity, they think of you.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how
compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall
out of love with each other, it keeps you together until maybe
you fall in love again.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always
with the same person.
I now think of marriage like I think about living in my home state of Minnesota.
You move into marriage in the springtime of hope, but eventually arrive at the
Minnesota winter, with its cold and darkness. Many of us are tempted to give up
and move south at this point, not realizing that maybe we’ve hit a rough spot
in a marriage that’s actually above average. The problem with giving up, of course,
is that our next marriage will enter its own winter at some point. So do we just
keep moving on, or do we make our stand now – with this person, in this season?
That’s the moral, existential question we face when our marriage is in trouble.
Bill Doherty, DrBillDoherty.org
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are
joined for life - to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each
other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with
each other in silent, unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting.
George Elliott (aka Mary Anne Evans), Adam Bede
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside.
In the consumer culture of marriage, commitments last as long as the other
person is meeting our needs. We still believe in commitment, because we
know that committed relationships are good for us, but powerful voices
coming from inside and outside tell us that we are suckers if we settle for
less than we think we need and deserve in our marriage. Most baby boomers
and their offspring carry in our heads the internalized voice of the consumer
culture—to encourage us to stop working so hard or to get out of a marriage
that is not meeting our current emotional needs.
Bill Doherty, DrBillDoherty.org
Divorce to like an amputation. Sometimes it's necessary but it should be
avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability.
Bill Doherty, DrBillDoherty.org
Divorce is not healthy for children, or other living things.
Money often costs too much.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.
There is such pleasure in long-term marriage that I really would hate to be
my age and not have had a long-term marriage. Remember, sustaining a pleasurable,
long-term marriage takes effort, deliberateness and an intention to learn about
one another. In other words, marriage is for grown-ups.
Cokie Roberts, From This Day Forward
The grass looks greener...but it's Astroturf.
From the report, "Does Divorce Make People Happy?"
As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever
decide to leave, she is coming with me."
Each divorce is the death of a small civilization.
Marriage orients men and women toward the future, asking them not just to commit to
other but to plan, to earn, to save, and to devote themselves to advancing their children's prospects.
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
I am convinced that if we as a society work diligently in every other area of life and
the family, it would be analogous to straightening deck chairs on the Titanic.
Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.
Infidelity flows from a belief that women have the power to make you feel like
a man if you only find a woman that thinks you're perfect; if you can only
find a woman that you haven't hurt or disappointed yet.
. . . in the end, there is nothing a man can do that a woman can’t, except be a father.
It is necessary but insufficient to stay married for the children's sake. It is also
necessary to stay happily married for the children's sake. I'm so glad someone
noticed that marriage doesn't have to make you miserable. It is just so easy to
be happy I don't understand why it isn't more popular.
People think they have to find their soulmate to have a good marriage. You're not going
to "find" your soulmate. Anyone you meet already has soulmates. Dozens of them.
Their father. Their lifelong friends. You get married, and after 20 years
bearing and raising children, meeting challenges
- then you'll have "created"
Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com
The success of marriage comes not in finding the "right" person, but in the
ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they ineveitably realize they
I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I
do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what
it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to
admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if
you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up
having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry
the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended
up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to
be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short,
whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly
understood that they are on the same side.
Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each
other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths.
No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they
have been married a quarter of a century.
A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Ruth Bell Graham
Let there be spaces in your togetherness
In marriage, as in all things, the perfect can be the enemy of the good.
Both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives
when they are married. Unmarried co-habitation doesn't cut it. Cohabitation
does not bring the benefits - in physical health, wealth, and emotional wellbeing
- that marriage does. And, married people have both more and better sex
than do their unmarried counterparts.
Linda Waite, The Case for Marriage
Divorce causes a decrease in wealth that is larger than just splitting a
couple’s assets in half. By the same token, married people see an increase in
wealth that is more than just adding the assets of two single people.
On the other hand, divorce can devastate your wealth. Divorce drops a
person's wealth by an average of 77%. Contrary to popular belief,
the research shows that the wealth of divorced women wasn't significantly
worse than that of divorced men, in terms of real money. If you really
want to increase your wealth, get married and stay married.
Jay Zagorsky, Ohio State , Journal of Sociology, Jan 2006
The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only
their kind of love to give, not our kind.
Common courtesy plays a big role in happy marriages. People who are permanently married are polite to one another. They don't want to hurt one another's feelings, and they don't try to make the other one feel humiliated. People who are married for life are extremely kind to one another.
Arguments are a natural part of any relationship, but cruelty is not. Above all, happily married partners see each other as allies, not as adversaries.
You can't be right and married at the same time. If you're trying to be right and prove your partner wrong, you've stepped outside the marriage.
To go without sex is to endanger the relationship. It's very easy to build up an incest taboo in a marriage. If you go without sex, your instincts recognize this person as part of the family but cease to recognize the person as a sex partner. The response can kick in surprisingly quickly - in as little as six weeks. People make a terrible mistake in being angry with their marriage partner and cutting them off sexually as a way of arousing great passion. It used to work in the ninth grade. But it doesn't work in the ninth decade.
Caressing and contact is always a good thing. The great thing about sex at this age is it ceases to be great, and it becomes funny. It feels good, but you never know what's going to work and what's not. Which brings up another trait that long-lasting marriage partners often share: a sense of humor.
Humor is vital, but it is vital to be happy, too. A happy marriage is a marriage between two happy people.
You're not going to be in love all the time, but if you want to recapture that magic from when you were in love, be loving. Being loving to your partner makes you feel so good about yourself, it doesn't matter if you're in love or not. The marriage is making you feel good if you are loving in it.
There's no point battling age in yourself or in your partner. No one has ever won.
Always keep your pants zipped in public.
Frank Pittman, as quoted in the Marin Independent, Sept 23, 2007
A good marriage is a contest of generosity.
Marriage, families, all relationships are more a process of learning
the dance rather than finding the right dancer.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
A happy marriage is the world's best bargain.
The way you make love
is the way God will be with you.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. Taking as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make things right if I surrender to His will…
Serenity Prayer from Alcoholics Annonymous
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
George Jean Nathan
Get mad, then get over it.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.
Henry Ward Beecher
Life is an adventure in forgiveness.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Live out of your imagination, not your history.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.
It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.
Henry David Thoreau
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
I am imagination. I can see what the eyes cannot see. I can hear what the ears cannot hear. I can feel what the heart cannot feel.
Peter Nivio Zarlenga
A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
Honore de Balzac
The best proof of love is trust.
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
Henry Van Dyke
The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.
Love is metaphysical gravity.
R. Buckminster Fuller
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
Patience is the companion of wisdom.
A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Wisdom begins in wonder.
For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe .
Heavy thoughts bring on physical maladies; when the soul is oppressed so is the body.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.
Ancient Persian Saying
It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to.
To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious.
I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.
To everyone is given the key to heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.
I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution.
Wernher von Braun
There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find."
We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails.
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
Physical strength is measured by what we can carry; spiritual by what we can bear.
We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion, just as effectively as by bombs.
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world; everyone you meet is your mirror.
Ken Keyes, Jr.
I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.
Only from the heart Can you touch the sky.”
The way you make love is the way God will be with you.
Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don't claim them. Feel the artistry moving through and be silent.
He is like a man using a candle to look for the sun.
Something opens our wings. Something makes boredom and hurt disappear. Someone fills the cup in front of us: We taste only sacredness.
The lion is most handsome when looking for food.
Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of his heart, and that depends upon how much he has polished it. Whoever has polished it more sees more - more unseen forms become manifest to him.
Now I am sober and there's only the hangover and the memory of love.
All that spirits desire, spirits attain.
An eye for an eye, and the whole world would be blind.
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.
I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.
If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.
Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.
Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
Love and doubt have never been on speaking terms.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Most people who ask for advice from others have already resolved to act as it pleases them.
No man can reveal to you nothing but that which already lies half-asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.
Perplexity is the beginning of knowledge.
Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.'
To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.
Rainer Maria Rilke
There may be good, but there are no pleasant marriages.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth.
Jesus -- Matthew 10:34-36
The past is never dead. It’s not even past.
Intelligence is measured by a person’s ability to see validity within both sides of contradicting arguments.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Change is the only constant in life. Ones ability to adapt to those changes will determine your success in life.
One who thinks like others, is not thinking.
If you think you can or cannot accomplish a task, you will be correct in either case.
And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and to know the place for the first time.
Mind is the builder.
Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.
George Bernard Shaw
We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
Martin Luther King
Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in a manner so that, when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
Native American proverb
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition
When the cure is worse than the disease we get well.
It’s easier to stop a bulldozer from the driver’s seat.
We need to start thinking of the ‘placebo effect’ as the ‘intention effect.’
The heart can’t tell if it’s coming or going.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
George Bernard Shaw
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil;
My cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.